Man Vs. Women Process Flaw
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Indian Student. It was the first day of a school in USA and a new Indian student named Chandrasekhar Subramanian entered the fourth grade.
The teacher said, "Let's begin by reviewing some American History."
Who said "Give me Liberty, or give me Death"?
She saw a sea of blank faces, except for Chandrasekhar, who had his hand up: "Patrick Henry, 1775"
he said. "Very good!"
Who said "Government of the People, by the People, for the People, shall not perish from the Earth?"
Again, no response except from Chandrasekhar. "Abraham Lincoln, 1863" said Chandrasekhar.
The teacher snapped at the class, "Class, you should be ashamed. Chandrasekhar, who is new to our country, knows more about its history than you do."
She heard a loud whisper: "Fuck the Indians," Who said that?" she demanded. Chandrasekhar put his hand up.
"General Custer, 1862."
At that point, a student in the back said, "I'm gonna puke."
The teacher glares around and asks "All right! Now, who said that?"
Again, Chandrasekhar says, "George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister, 1991."
Now furious, another student yells, "Oh yeah? Suck this!"
Chandrasekhar jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the teacher, "Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!"
Now with almost mob hysteria someone said "You little shit. If you say anything else, I'll kill you."
Chandrasekhar frantically yells at the top of his voice, "Michael Jackson to the child witnesses testifying against him, 2004."
The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher on the floor, someone said, "Oh shit, we're fucked!"
And Chandrasekhar said quietly, "I think it was George Bush, Iraq , 2007."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
British English vs Malaysian English
Who says our English is teruk.? Just see below. Ours is simple, short,concise, straight to point, effective etc.........
WHEN GIVING A CUSTOMER BAD NEWS.
Britons: I'm sorry, Sir, but we don't seem to have the sweater you want in your size, but if you give me a moment, I can call the other outlets for you.
Malaysians: No Stock.
RETURNING A CALL.
Britons: Hello, this is John Smith. Did anyone page for me a few moments ago?
Malaysians: Hello, who page?
ASKING SOMEONE TO MAKE WAY.
Britons: Excuse me, I'd like to get by. Would you please make way?
Malaysians: S-kew me...
WHEN ASKING FOR PERMISSION.
Britons: Excuse me, but do you think it would be possible for me to enter through this door?
Malaysians: (pointing the door) can ar?
WHEN DECLINING AN OFFER.
Britons: I'd prefer not to do that, if you don't mind.
Malaysians: Don't want la...
IN DISAGREEING ON A TOPIC OF DISCUSSION.
Britons: Err. Tom, I have to stop you there. I understand where you're coming from, but I really have to disagree with what you said about the issue.
Malaysians: You mad, ah?
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE TO LOWER THEIR VOICE.
Britons: Excuse me, but could you please! lower your voice, I'm trying to concentrate over here.
Malaysians: Shut up lah!
WHEN ASKING SOMEONE IF HE/SHE KNOWS YOU.
Britons: Excuse me, but I noticed you staring at me for some time. Do I know you?
Malaysians: See what, see what?
WHEN ASSESSING A TIGHT SITUATION.
Britons: We seem to be in a bit of a predicament at the moment.
Malaysians: Die-lah!!
WHEN TRYING TO FIND OUT WHAT HAD HAPPENED.
Britons: Will someone tell me what has just happened?
Malaysians: Wat happen Why like that....
WHEN ONE IS ANGRY.
Britons: Would you mind not disturbing me?
Malaysians: Celaka!!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Teacher: History is a very interesting subject. It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.............
---
Teacher: Ted, if your father has $10 and you ask him for $6, how much would your father still have?
Ted: $10.
Teacher: You don't know maths.
Ted: You don't know my father!
---
Mother: David, come here.
David: Yes, mum?
Mother: You really disappoint me. Your results are getting worse.
David: But I will only get my report book tomorrow.
Mother: I know that. But I am going to Hong Kong tomorrow, so I am scolding you now!!!
---
Father: Why did you fail your mathematics test?
Son: On Monday, teacher said 3+5=8
Father: So?
Son: On Tuesday, she said 4+4=8 And on Wednesday, she said 6+2=8. If she can't make up her mind, how do I know the right answer?
---
A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and daughter were watching TV in the living room. Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates, then complete silence. The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything!!!
---
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear!
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love...
---
Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.
---
Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.
Customer: Don't tell me your problems. Give me the menu card.
---
Teacher: Simon, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Simon: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
---
Father: Your teacher says she finds it impossible to teach you anything!
Son: That's why I say she's no good!
---
Teacher: Where were u born?
Student: Singapore, Sir.
Teacher: Which part?
Student: All of me, Sir.
---
A teacher was asking her class: 'What is the difference between 'unlawful' and 'illegal'?' Only one hand shot up. 'Ok, answer, Joan' said the teacher. ''unlawful' is when u do something the law doesn't allow and 'illegal' is a sick eagle.'
---
Guru disiplin: How come you do not comb your hair?
Ah Kow: No comb, Sir.
Guru disiplin: Use your dad's then.
Ah Kow: No hair, Sir.
---
A boy came home from school with his exam results. 'What did u get?' asked his father. 'My marks are under water,' said the boy. 'What do u mean 'under water?'. ''They are all below 'C' (sea) level'.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
How much would it cost to call Malaysia from Hell? You'd be surprised! Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Ahmad Badawi die and go to hell. But the devil has only one phone there.
Queen says, I miss my England , "can I use your phone and hear how my people are doing down there." She calls and talks about five minutes. Then she asks: "Well devil, how much do I owe you for the call?" The devil says: "Five million pounds." She writes him a cheque and goes back to her chair.
Clinton wants to make a call too. He says "I wanna call the US." He talks about ten minutes, then asks "how much do I owe you devil?" The devil says "Ten million dollars." He also writes a cheque and goes back to his seat.
Badawi is jealous. He says "I want to call Malaysia..." He calls and talks for about an hour to his son-in-law who is busy trying to find Mr. Petronas. Then he asked the devil "how much do I owe you?" The devil replies: "only one dollar." Badawi is shocked and asks "why so little?". The devils says: "if you make a call from one hell to another, IT'S LOCAL CALL"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, "why don't you eat the peanuts yourself?". "We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied. The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This entry was posted
on March 10, 2009
at 2:34 PM
and is filed under
Joke
. You can follow any responses to this entry through the
comments feed
.
